My boyfriend is MT and won't work on me - insight?

[t***@gmail.com]

Hey everyone,

I'm coming straight to those who would know for some help - my
boyfriend is a very talented massage therapist, but refuses to do more
than an occasional neck rub in front of the tv. I prefer Sweedish
Massage, because I don't know any different, so he's told me that's
boring and refuses. I've offered to try more intense massages, I just
require some explanation and warning, because I've always been taught
that massages are relaxing, not necessarily pain inducing at first. =)
I've spoken to some of his MT friends who explained more things to me,
about being trained to do more and having difficulty pulling back and
doing less, not wanting to disappoint a loved one, etc.

The logical part of me, as the general public, understands that
totally, makes perfect sense. But the girlfriend in me is really hurt
and disappointed, because I think of it as a sort of intimate thing,
I'm not really comfortable with strangers touching me. He's always
asking what he can do to help me relieve stress and be happy, and
massage is one of those, but he says no. I'm having a difficult time
getting past this on the girlfriend level. Has anyone else had
experience with this? Any suggestions? I'll check back here, or you
can email me at ***@yahoo.com. Thanks a million for any
insight or suggestions!

Tiffany

[anon]

probably just the fact he does them all the time and
doesn't want to spend his free time doing it. It's a job
for him. I dated for 2-3 months a woman who was an MT,
and I never got one from her either. She just didn't want
to do it.

[Michael B]

Note- your subject line includes "won't WORK on me"
Ya know, it's a classic case of the shoemaker's children.
After work, the work door gets closed, and the "I'm off,
no more of that till tomorrow" chant is being played. In
other words, it's a chore.
And that is a disappointment, and a marker of his
job satisfaction.
There is a saying. "Find something you love to do, and
never have to work a day in your life". Well, he hasn't
found it, and that's a disappointment. Nobody should
have to look forward to Fridays, and dread Mondays.
Life is too precious for that.
When I was doing professional massage, I found that
it really detracted from doing it as a hobby. The people
that knew me had been in the habit of getting shoulders,
backs etc. done, and while I had the business I found
myself mentally rolling my eyes when a friend would
point to her neck. So when I got an "8-5 job", I was
ready to quit the business.
I still do it as a hobby, and I train couples with fibromyalgia
how to do safe and effective massage, but I don't miss the
days of waiting to see if the next client will show up.
And as his girlfriend, I suggest that you avoid the associative
connections with his business. When you are ready for a
massage, I suggest you talk with some of his friends about
your being one of their clients. Otherwise, your situation is
like the police officer that gets home and the spouse wants
the day's activities to be recounted.
Fair enough?

Post by t***@gmail.com
Hey everyone,
I'm coming straight to those who would know for some help - my
boyfriend is a very talented massage therapist, but refuses to do more
than an occasional neck rub in front of the tv. I prefer Sweedish
Massage, because I don't know any different, so he's told me that's
boring and refuses. I've offered to try more intense massages, I just
require some explanation and warning, because I've always been taught
that massages are relaxing, not necessarily pain inducing at first. =)
I've spoken to some of his MT friends who explained more things to me,
about being trained to do more and having difficulty pulling back and
doing less, not wanting to disappoint a loved one, etc.
The logical part of me, as the general public, understands that
totally, makes perfect sense. But the girlfriend in me is really hurt
and disappointed, because I think of it as a sort of intimate thing,
I'm not really comfortable with strangers touching me. He's always
asking what he can do to help me relieve stress and be happy, and
massage is one of those, but he says no. I'm having a difficult time
getting past this on the girlfriend level. Has anyone else had
experience with this? Any suggestions? I'll check back here, or you
insight or suggestions!
Tiffany

[Xoinx]

My wife and I are both massage therapists, and the only time we work on each
other is in the office. When we get home, the last thing we want to do is
one more friggin' massage.

If you really want him to massage you, book an appointment with him for
either money or barter. If you insist on receiving a treatment at home,
you'll again have to negotiate if you expect him to do his job on his down
time.

--J

[Chris Zakes]

On Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:46:38 -0500, an orbital mind-control laser

Post by Xoinx
My wife and I are both massage therapists, and the only time we work on each
other is in the office. When we get home, the last thing we want to do is
one more friggin' massage.
If you really want him to massage you, book an appointment with him for
either money or barter. If you insist on receiving a treatment at home,
you'll again have to negotiate if you expect him to do his job on his down
time.
--J

<shrug> Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. If my wife
asks for a massage, I give her one. I don't insist that it be during
"working hours" or that I get "paid" for it.

-Chris Zakes
Texas

We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because
we stop playing.

-Origin unknown